Sunday, July 28, 2013

....Enticing.

I love you

This is just a little story that ran through my mind, it doesn't mean anything...I watched Devious Maids, and it put me in a feisty mood, so I went into character. Feedback? :D

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.....Staring at the bottom of my glass, a thought runs through my mind.
I wish it was just a passing thing...but it seems like I'm about to do it again. I'm about to drown in his memory.

I always told him I would be the one that got away. I made it clear time after time that I'm what he needs to open his eyes; To see beauty in the world through such the pessimistic viel covering his soul. Why I lied to myself, saying that he wouldn't see through my game...that he wouldn't catch the real reason as to why I kept him around...as to why I kept reminding him how much he needed me, I don't know. I was a fool...and still am...but that's his power. That's what he makes of me. A mindless fool.
To say this man has no hold on me would be a lie. He's got me under his spell, but I believe I also got him under mine.
He's a game I've learned to play; A game with no rules and where it seems like the only winner that could ever be, would be him...like me winning is a consequence, not a reward...but that's how closely he's got me tied; To where I dream of finally getting my consequence, because he makes it seem like a prize.
He's beautiful. Not just physically or mentally. He's beautiful on a new level. The way he carries himself...with pride and with respect. He treats himself like a fine piece of china that he would never dare to let out of the cabinet for fear of a crack. He's dust-free...without a single fingerprint on him...and that's why I want him.

To make the lion bow, to bend a piece of steal...to be the first fingerprint on that china...it's...exhilarating.
He's been touched by many hands, but none have seen his real value. Disgusting whores...sipping what I bet is one of the world's most exquisite nectar from a cup so fine...and to let it go afterwards...put it away like it was just another mug...it's aggravating...but god, am I grateful...because that means I still have time to be the first.
...The first to hold his heart and not just his "handle."

A fools desire, if you ask me.
I know I'm playing a dangerous game...I know he's my Russian Roulette...that my consequence would be the bullet...
But dear lord, how badly I want to be shot, thus, my theory of how he makes it seem like a reward proves valid.
I'd rather die by the hands of this man, but know that I was the reason the gun fired, then to live a mediocre life.

Why I would ever want someone who doesn't see me as even half of what I just described, is beyond me.
I know he doesn't see me as anything other then just another face looking at him from behind the glass...like many have.
I don't stand out...but that's only because his own shine blocks his view. He can stay in that cabinet if he so wishes...but as long as he understands that when I say there is not one person more deserving to hold him, I'm not lying. I might admire him, and he is my forbidden desire...but I know my value as well, and I'm not going bankrupt, splurging all my money on one...MUG...when I could get my money's worth elsewhere.
See, I'm willing to pay whatever needed to have him...and I have so far...I've invested a lot of my time and tears into him...but I have my limits, and they are approaching rather quickly.
Because while I've been busy admiring him, little did I know I've mimicked what I desire the most...maybe subconsciously thinking that If I became just as untouchable, we could be untouchable together...and now I live in a cabinet as well.
Admired and adored by filthy hands. Some tap on my glass, and catch my attention for a moment, but it's nothing more then my own glare. They attract me because they are mirrors, they buff me by reminding me of how beautiful I am.
In other words, they rub my ego until my own shine draws me to them, but when that mirror falls -which it always does- I'm met by a disgusting figure, and back I go.

....I will be the one that got away from him, and someday he will realize this too...but until that day comes, I'll sit here pretty and looking out of my glass...because unlike him, I don't want to spend the rest of my life being admired by lingering eyes that get only momentarily distracted by my beauty, I want to be admired everyday I'm alive, and beyond that, by eyes that will never look away from me.

We could be beautiful together, a tea cup and it's tea plate, and people would look for a different reason...but if he'd rather be admired than be LOVED, be my guest, but I'm going to be loved...and you're shimmer is quickly fading on me...but maybe that's what you want...Maybe that's what YOU desire...for my eyes to look away...

And lets just say that I hate letting you win, you disgustingly enticing...MUG.

I love you

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